Outlander Olympics

Friends, we are halfway through the 2018 Olympics, which means soon we will have to wait another two years for athletic glory, shiny medals, and national pride.

I LOVE the Olympics. I love seeing the world’s best athletes proudly marching with their fellow countrymates into the stadium, their contagious enthusiasm on display for all. I love seeing the medalists fighting back tears as their national anthems are played. I love, quite simply, watching beautiful athletes perform their sport as if it were the easiest thing they’ve ever done, although we all know the hours and pain that went into their accomplishments. Sigh. I could go on and on.

Know what else I love? Outlander. So I had some fun this week imagining if our favorite characters got a chance to step out onto that athletic world stage.

In no particular order I present to you the athletes of the first ever Outlander Olympics:

(Also, most of these are not Winter Olympic sports- sorry! Truth is our characters are just better suited for the Summer Games)

1. Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp Randall Fraser: Diving

We all know our girl loves to take leaps of faith, both literal and figurative. Jumping off a British Man-of-War into the open ocean seems a bit extreme in terms of training, but there’s no doubt Claire is prepared for the ten meter platform. Bonus: no talking coconuts and kooky priests await at the end of this jump. Splash!

2. Murtagh Fitzgibbons Fraser: Fencing

Not such a huge leap to imagine this. Murtagh’s sword-handling skills are unparalleled. The only downside would be hiding that beautifully grumpy face behind his fencing mask.

3. Rupert MacKenzie: Boxing

Another easy one. Even with one eye Rupert would knock out the competition. Float like a butterfly, sting like a MacKenzie.

4. Ian Murray, Jr.: Marathon Swimming

Capture by pirates notwithstanding, Ian is an excellent open water swimmer. Knowing Ian, however, he would somehow manage to burn down the Olympic Village or lose his passport. Someone keep an eye on this kid.

5. Jonathan “Black Jack” Randall: Biathlon

Our lone winter athlete. What better sport for a man who’s an excellent shot and whose blood runs cold? Of course, I’m sure the Biathletes of the world are kind and charming people and not at all psychopathic. I mean, you’d have to have a pretty good attitude to compete in a sport that’s notoriously underfunded. You rock, Biathletes!

6. Geillis Duncan Abernathy: Rhythmic Gymnastics

Writhing around naked in the forest isn’t exactly like rhythmic gymnastics, but the foundation is certainly there. Say what you will about Geillis, she’s at least graceful and mesmerizing to watch. Extra points for the never-before-seen blood bath interpretive dance.

7. Jamie Alexander Malcolm MacKenzie Fraser: Wrestling

No, not that kind of wrestling. Get your mind out of the gutter. We’d all be signing up for lessons if that were the case, amirite?

THIS kind (aka Greco-Roman wrestling):

Although Jamie could no doubt qualify for so many Olympic events- equestrian, fencing, swimming, boxing, beach volleyball (No? Just me? You know he’d look adorable spiking a ball over that net)- I think wrestling is his best bet for Olympic gold. He’s got the biceps, trapezius, abdominal, and thigh muscles (really, ALL the muscles) to smash the competition. All sorts of possible “I’d let you pin me to the mat” double entendres, so I’ll let your imagination take it from here. Jamie, as King of Men, you are our Olympic Favorite. Gold medals every day.

Good luck to all our Olympic athletes! You are an amazing inspiration to us all!

Slàinte

p.s. I promise I’m working on some retrospective recaps! I’m co-chair of my kid’s school auction and it’s seriously sucking the life out of me. But it’s over next week and then it’s all Outlander all the time.

 

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