This is hardly an original sentiment for the middle of summer, but Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ IT IS HOT. The sort of hot where I think, Nope-ity Nope Nope Nope… I would never time travel to a century without air conditioning, no matter if Jamie Fraser were waiting on the other side of those stones.
Okay, well, maybe I might.
But you know what/who else is hot? Those dashing Outlander Redcoat soldiers. Often overlooked, many of them warrant some (much) closer inspection. I know they’re usually the enemy, but there’s no harm in looking, right? They might all wear the same red uniform, but these dashing soldiers are very different shades of handsome.
Summer is no time for too much intellectual effort, so here’s something a bit easy on the brain (and the eyes). Grab something iced, find a shady spot on the lounge, and let’s rank some cute Redcoats.
8. Brigadier General Sir Oliver Lord Thomas
So much zazz! This man definitely knows how to dress up a a standard officer’s uniform. Points deducted for smarminess and his condescending attitude. Points added for his offer of delicious cheese and good wine.
7. Lieutenant Wallace
He loses major points for questionable morals (wanting to shoot Jamie under an alias, tsk tsk), but how could we stay mad at that face? That kissable countenance excuses any dubious questions of honor.
6. Lord Hal Melton
Another man who knows how to add some flair to his uniform. I appreciate his crisp, clean presentation and his excellent wig game. Points taken for drunkenly telling Geneva all of Jamie’s secrets over a game of cribbage. Points added for saving Jamie’s life in the first place. See you again in a few seasons, Hal.
5. Private Jenkins
Also known as the Redcoat who restrains Ian (points deducted) and half-heartedly attempts to stop Fergus’s dismemberment (points added). I refer to him at Private Awesome Bone Structure, because good God almighty look at those cheekbones. I’ll be next I’m line for restraining, please.
4. This Guy
I couldn’t find a credit for this cutie, so I’ll just call him RRRP— Random Redheaded Redcoat at Prestonpans. With those rosy cheeks and lips he might just be my second favorite ginger on the show. Points deducted for being on Team We Killed Angus.
3. Captain Jonathan Randall
I know many of you love you some BJR. Honestly, I can never get beyond that cold heart to find him all that hot. But the fact remains that it’s Tobias Menzies wearing that uniform and, damn, does he wear it well. Points taken for sadism, points added for extreme handsomeness.
2. Lieutenant Jeremy Foster
Cute and concerned, Jeremy Foster comes in at second place. He’s a little dusty from being on the road, but his gorgeous mouth and strong jawline more than compensate. Extra points for the impressive height, deep voice, and silver gorget. Minor points taken for leading Claire back into BJR’s grasp. In any case, you’re definitely free to hold me against my will, Lieutenant.
1. Lord John William Grey
Gah, every time I see David Berry’s beautiful face I marvel at how casting really hit it out of the park with this one. Hands down the most handsome man in red, Lord John comes in at Number One. Minor points taken for trying to kill Jamie as a teenager. Major points added for saving Jamie’s life, then saving it again…and again. Kind, fair, and honorable, this man does the uniform proud.
And there we have it! Our Hottest Hunks in Red. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go dunk in the nearest frigid water mill.
That one’s for free.